Tuesday, November 4, 2008
My keyboard isn't working well & I have to use Windows' On-Screen keyboard to type the "n" & it's been inconvenient & uninspiring to blog with fervor.
But today, I'm inspired. Today, I'm going to walk to my local polling place & vote. I want to remember this time that I sat in front of my laptop & blogged about my feelings about this election.
I am an Obama supporter. I am excited, fearful, & revved up about him becoming our next president. We DO need change & Obama's camp is the group that's going to do it. John McCain & Sarah Palin scare people. They scare people because they're Republican & the Republicans & George W. Bush have done nothing but push us further into a hole that is shameful & oppressive. I wake up every morning depressed & woeful. I don't know who I am or where I'm going. I am the master of my destiny. No one is going to help me but myself, I know, but the climate outside is cold & desolate.
I'm afraid to travel overseas: "What? You're American?" Slash. I've had friends tell me they pretended to be English because lots of Europeans don't know the difference. I don't blame them. It's one thing to die for your country, but to die for a country where you're treated like shit? Like a second class citizen? That's foul on so many levels, I can't even elaborate on it here.
I didn't know I was an American until September 11, 2001. All of a sudden, we were to stand as one and fight "them" the terrorists. All of a sudden I stopped being a minority, a black woman, a college student, a daughter, a niece, a sister...& I became an American. Because I was hurt by those men who decided to attack us.
We've been attacked for the whole of our history & the 1st time tragedy strikes us deep in our hearts, souls, & minds, the television, radio, & Internet told us what to do. And not neccessarily how to get there.
I still can't get past that. Well, I have, but I'm taking the wait & see approach to how the next four years is going to bode for us. No matter who wins, the men & women in charge will have an ugly, sickly, contemptuous baby to take care of & nurse back to health.
We've been trying. But not very hard. Deep rooted evil has kept change from happening. This is not me saying the pundits & incumbents are evil. This is me saying that progressives have been called radicals for far too long. Progressive is in.
Wear that on your t-shirt.
So, I plan on walking over to Miller Park, punching the screen, the notepad, whatever it is they have over there...
And coming back to make some patriotic food...mostly likely cupcakes...to take to work at the newspaper tonight. After that, I'll print out a map of the U.S. and color in the states like I did in middle school. It's going to be a long, exciting night. And the newspaper is going to be the perfect place to be. The newsroom is going to be all a-buzz. I'm glad I'm going to be there.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Well, I don't feel any of those things right now. I feel like Billy Corgan: a rat in a cage. OK, maybe not a rat. Perhaps a guinea pig or a bunny rabbit. 'Cause I'm cute.
Anyway, I feel slightly overwhelmed with the financial crisis. I'm working harder than ever to make ends meet and it's not working. I feel like I'm not working hard enough. There's anywhere between 15% to 20% more I can be doing, I feel. I'm not optimum. I'm only working at 3/4 speed. I have two jobs and a side gig made of cooking classes. I have my food blog, which is like a little job (that pays not money) and I feel like I can do more. A lot more. I wish I only had one job (a 9 to 5, M-F type of deal) so I can focus on the 20%. I think of myself as a machine or a vehicle in a parade that no one is looking at. Everyone turns their head when this float is announced. Some people may point and say good job, but what good does that do? You know...it is a self-esteem booster, but I've got plenty of that already. Too bad self-esteem doesn't translate into dollars in my pocket.
Don't you see the brilliance before you? Don't you want to pay me what I am worth?, I think those thoughts all of the time. I'm quite modest in my assessment of myself to others, but when I think about myself in terms of attractiveness (physically, socially, fiscally, career-wise) I don't know why anyone would pass me over for anything I reach for.
In the back of my mind, I'm telling myself "everyone is going through the same thing." I don't know how true that is. But I think it's a lie I tell myself so I can continue to be optimistic and upbeat. I'm the most optimistic person I know. I turn every negative thing into something positive or lilting. It's what I do. I don't know any better.
I feel guilty when I enjoy a laugh with friends or co-workers. I think: "I should be in solitude thinking about how I'm going to dig myself out of this hole."
When I'm at work playing on Facebook or scrolling through food blogs, I feel as if I'm wasting my time. I think: "I should be looking for a better higher paying job, instead of pretending I'm content sitting here not contributing to my company's worth."
At home, I feel slightly depressed and sad. I stay in my room most of the time, chatting online with strangers, updating my blog, or searching for news stories (to comment on) so I can pretend I'm a journalist of some sort.
I'm still looking for Mr. Right. Or Mr. Right Now. Or even Mr. MaybeKindaSortaNotReallyButOK.
I'm not a mess. But I'm headed there shortly. And there is no one out there who is going to take me under their wing and help me.
Except Oprah. And she's really selective about who she has on her show. This parade float won't be making an appearance any time soon.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Sunday, September 21, 2008
This was a big leap for me, because there is no reason why I'd have to resort to such tactics to find someone who'll want to be with me.
But that's OK. It's a done deal. Sign, sealed, and delivered.
I have a few bones to pick with some of the men on this particular site:
#1: You are asked a series of questions and are expected to answer them to the best of your ability. This is the 1st taste of who you are AND will help me decide if I'd like to start communication with you. One word answers will not cut it. Typos will not cut it. Internet shorthand type such as: "idk" or "tho" or "a/s/l" will NOT cut it. Take your time to fill this section out completely. You are given space for 650 characters. Use a large amount of this space, PLEASE.
#2: This is 2008. You have just signed up on an Internet dating site. Why do you not have a photo? There is no excuse. There are cell phones, web cams, driver's license offices, digital cameras, Kinko's FedEx centers, etc. If you MUST...go to a cell phone store, snap a pic on one of the display phones and send it to your email address. That may be stretching it...but it's better than nothing.
And then when you decide to post said picture, it's OK that you're posing with your friends. It's OK that you are chilling at home, with a beer in one hand and a joint in the other. Yeah, that's OK. What is NOT OK is cutting out your ex-girlfriend, best friend that is cuter than you, your child, or other person sitting/standing next to you. Photoshop has a completely free Web site where you can sign up and edit your photos for free. Google it. Go there and airbrush that person out. Better yet, read the 1st paragraph and get a good picture taken of yourself. You're looking for love, a date, a fling for Saturday night...please present yourself in a manner that is pleasing to women.
#3 Speaking of presenting yourself to women: I'm an intelligent, young woman. It's OK that you may not have as much education or experience as myself. I, for one, won't be jumping out of windows in order to date you. If your profile and picture look trashy, ugly, blurry, or just plain awkward...those are the type of women who are going to be attracted to you. Well, I believe that to be true...
I need to let go and let God. You always find things when you're not looking for them. I'm a good Catholic girl and I pray my Litany of Saints, Acts of Contritions, and Hail Marys like I am supposed to. I even call upon Saint Anthony to help me find things when they're lost. I do believe I need to call upon him now. I need help finding the man of my dreams.
Do you think he'd come to my aid??
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Nik Snacks said...
Today must be pita day or something. I've read 4 other blogs with pitas on them today. I love how you're so incredibly awesome, you wore the tiara during video games. That is SWEEET. See, that's why I'm divorcing my husband. He banned video games. "They're for kids," he said. Your mom is for kids...
September 12, 2008 4:21 PM
The Spiteful Chef said...
Poor Nik! You know what else is for kids? (aside from his mom, and I agree, she totally is)...FUN. You know what's for adults? Herpes, that's what. Here's to hoping he gets it and has to be on one of those condescending commercials where they're like "I have genital herpes, but look! I can still canoe with the best of them!" No shit you can still canoe. That doesn't change the fact that you have open sores festering in the below-the-life-jacket area. I'd rather not be able to canoe than have that.
Oh hell. LOL
I watched just as many hours of TV as I spent at work each week. And I had three jobs.
I have never watched Dancing With The Stars because I hate seeing dancers mess up on TV. I watched two episodes of the 1st season (what was that? 2005?) and it was so intense, I couldn't watch anymore. Well...I've found a reason to watch again.
Ummm hmmm. That's right...
I can't even look at his picture, he looks so good. Eye candy is not the word for him. More like eye CANDLE because my eyes are burning from the impure thoughts running through my optic nerve to my brain.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
But it's the biggest thing affecting my thoughts right now, so...yeah.
I like Sarah Palin's hair.
And I feel bad for saying that. Every time a woman enters the politico arena, we judge her on her appearance and sex appeal. But I really do like her hair. It looks like she got it done at "Polly's House of Style" or something.
I want to know what kind of stunt John McCain is trying to pull. In the words of P. Diddy:
"Y'all buggin' the fuck out..."
And I feel bad about the news of her future grandchild coming out. That is none of our business, but somebody made it our business and we get to weigh in on it.
Friday, August 29, 2008
I love this song. I first heard it in Starbucks, when I used to work there. Whenever it played, I had to stop what I was doing, and dance. I was in Miami at the time and it just embodied everything I felt at the time.
Todos dicen, ole. OK? :)
Thursday, August 28, 2008
So much to think about, so much to comment on. This is huge, so incredibly monumental right now.
I have been shaken and moved with a force so strong in regards to the DNC this week. Obama accepting the Dem nomination on the anniversary of King's "I Have A Dream Speech" is not only uncanny and unbelievably significant, but God's way of telling us something. What? I don't know, but it's making me teary eyed just thinking about what it might be. In a good way, of course.
The only thing I'm upset about: everything Our Man does from here on out will be a first. If he chews gum, pisses in the toilet, goes to a Coldplay concert, eats at McDonald's...it will be a first. Everything Michelle (Or as she is so affectionately monikered: Mikki-O) does, will be a first.
I am ashamed to admit I did not watch any of the DNC this week. I want to upload Michelle, Hillary, and everybody else's speeches to watch before going to bed.
While I was at work, I did catch a bit of my man, Al Gore.
Former Vice President Al Gore was telling Democratic Party convention
delegates that John McCain's election as president would be little more than a
continuation of Bush-Cheney policies. Gore told the crowd in prepared remarks:
"Hey, I believe in recycling, but that's ridiculous."
THAT is why I have a crush on this man. ::sigh::
It's OK that I didn't watch them live because we've got TiVo, You Tube, and now text messaging to bring the news to us. We've got Stumbling, Facebooking, Twittering, and instant messaging at our fingertips. I don't have to be anywhere on earth without knowing what's going on. I just realized this today on my way to work.
And as silly as it sounds, as I was listening to speeches on NPR on my way home from work, I couldn't help but think: Rory Gilmore still has her job working for the Obama campaign...
I work at a newspaper and the industry has been flailing for years. Readership, circulation and interest has gone down because of the above mentioned 21st century inventions. I'm a 20-something journalist, so it's important that I help this industry thrive and live on, even though newsprint is going to eventually be obsolete (hopefully in 50 years, when I've gone on to do other things).
This is why I have a blog, this is why I'm attempting to be active in my community. This is why I need a better job because what I make now barely covers...well, it doesn't cover anything LOL.
And Mister Motherfucker, also known as Hurricane Gustav is showing his ass in the Gulf of Mexico. You, fucker.
On the anniversary of Katrina, no doubt. My mother's people are from Nawlins. We're Creole through and through. It was a long, hard, hot, sweaty, horrible summer...three years ago. I was gearing up to go to culinary school, I remember. I couldn't believe the death, destruction, and helplessness of our nation. Immobilized. I didn't take a shower for about four days in solidarity with my family members and others in the swamp. I would have gone longer, but I worked at a public place and didn't want to get sent home.
And now Gustav is about to come through and piss in our faces.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
I guess my look has changed over the course of a few months.
Me in January 2008. I was smiling, but I felt miserable.
I just got back from Wilmington. Well, I cruised into Greensboro to go to a mentoring session at work. I love my job, but I need to make money. I'm not 19 anymore. I have bills to pay and things to buy.
I had two hours to kill before going in, so I sat in my favorite local coffee house, typing away on my laptop.
It's raining cats and dogs, courtesy of Tropical Storm Fay. It was dry as a bone when I left Wilmington. I drove 80 MPH the entire way. Well, minus 20 miles or so because people decided to go incredibly slow. I even stopped in Chapel Hill to write a note and tack it to my best friend's door. I knew he'd be at work, but I thought he'd appreciate the gesture. He works hard and we hardly get to see each other. Hopefully it'll make him smile. Hopefully it'll make me call me to say thanks.
There weren't lots of introspective thoughts on the way down to the beach. Mostly I thought about how much I love to drive and how I'm a good driver. I left at 6:30 AM Saturday, arrived at Wilmington's city hall at 10:10 AM and got finished with the event around 3:30 PM. I'll be posting about it on my food blog tomorrow. Look for it.
So, I went down there with no real plans, no real place to stay, hoping that someone I knew would take me in and let me stay. I went to a former co-worker's for dinner and ended up staying until this morning. he and his girlfriend/fiancee have two little girls, 4 and 6 months. They also have a dog, cat, and a bunny. Their apartment is a "kid magnet" and when I got there, there were four neighborhood kids there running around amid the chaos of the regular household drama. I tried to stay small, quiet, and not cause any added stress. I cooked dinner one night and breakfast this morning, in hopes that my gestures were signs that I appreciated the hospitality.
I went on a solo excursion Sunday. I was invited to go to church with the family and I agreed, but then I changed my mind. It's been a long while since I've gone to church. I need to receive the sacrament of reconciliation before I can receive communion and I have yet to do this. As a Catholic, I'm only obligated to go to confession once a year. It's been three.
Luckily, a Catholic church was located next door to the family's church and I went to Mass. I stayed in the back and didn't receive communion, but it felt weird. I have a better vocabulary than that... I felt unfulfilled. I made a promise to myself to make an appointment this week to go have confession. I don't like feeling bad at church.
So after Mass (less than one hour after it began) I went downtown to walk along the Cape Fear River's pier. I got a flip flop tan and a $25 parking ticket. I planned to go to a museum or two, but I just wanted to be leisurely and wander around. So that's what I did.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
I'm a registered Republican, but I've only ever voted Democrat. My 1st election was in 2000. I was physically sick for about 2 weeks following the reports of pregnant chads, hanging indentations, or whatever else the voting results garnered. I didn't go to class for a whole week. I didn't rise from my bunk bed I shared with my roommate. I ate canned spaghetti-Os and Zesta saltines. I was glued to CNN. I was pathetic.
I couldn't believe all of the controversy and crap surrounding the election. I had a small (Okay, HUGE) crush on Al Gore and I didn't like seeing him look sad and haggard during that whole debacle. He is one of my top 10 people that I want to meet. I wrote an essay about him for a class in college. Something along the lines of "he one of the smartest people on earth. Yes, he did invent the Internet. I believe him. Every word that comes out of his mouth is golden..." Yeah, jaded was I.
I also couldn't believe there weren't uprisings in the streets! I mean, of all the states in the union to have voting issues, Florida? Jeb Bush's state? The only state in the union in which W's brother was the governor? Puh-Leeeeeeeeese! I am still surprised there hasn't been an investigation. I mean a REAL one that costs millions of billions of dollars. Attack W like Kenn Starr did Clinton. Produce a 700-page report about that, you fuckers.
Oh, I forgot. A Republican is in office. Crap.
Just spend millions of billions of dollars fucking up other countries' lives. Yeah. That'll work.
I'm an Obama girl. I went to one of the three local Dem offices last week and paid $2 for a bumper sticker. I'm going to a picnic next week to meet & greet with fellow dems in m district. Yeah...I'm a dork. I might go canvassing next Sunday. I'm only doing it to widen my social circle though.
So, I was/am/will always be an avid Gilmore Girls fan. I watched it every Tuesday night, watch it Monday through Friday at 11 am or 5 pm on ABC Family channel. I have all 7 seasons, three books, and... a small obsession. During the last episode, Rory got a job as an online reporter for Obama's campaign. This morning, I realized that Rory still has her job. How did the producers know? Of all the candidates, they picked Obama and the's the only one left. How crazy is that? No, no...how AWESOME is that? I love thinking about how little Rory still has her job in TV land :)
When all of the politico campaigns started jumping off, I was really into Mitt Romney. I woke up one day....and he was gone :( There was no reason for it. His campaign was going fine. I was kind of mad.
It's like going to Orlando and NOT going to Disneyworld. Or MGM. Or Universal.
So now I'm flummoxed...John McCain may pick my man, Mitt, as his running mate. Whoa.
What am I to do?
I better start reading up on John McCain then...
Friday, August 22, 2008
My sometime-in-the near-to-far-off-future ex-husband came over wanting me to sign some papers.
What papers do you ask?
Well, he is not an American citizen and he's got his green card, but there are a bunch of additional steps to take to become a resident alien, or whatever it is they call people who come over here nowadays.
The immigration office has changed names 3 times since we've been married and had price increases twice. Have you ever seen that movie Green Card? Andie McDowell and Gerard Depardieu? Well, the initial interview we had happened just like that movie.
I like being alone. But of course, it's always better to be coupled. Can you imagine? Being with someone who you don't feel like you have to put on a show for?
-You can pick your toes, nose, or any other part of yourself in front of them?
-You can eat 4 hashbrowns from McDonalds and they don't even blink an eye?
-You can have crusty heels for a week before doing something about it?
-You can wear the same pair of jeans for a week straight?
-You can not comb/brush your hair for two or three days and it's OK?
-You can decide to spend your slush money on a pair of shoes/oven mitts/car accessory that you really want and not feel guilty about it?
I'm not saying all/none/some of these things have happened to me, but I want to be with someone that I can be myself around. I don't mind keeping my grooming, eating, sleeping, playing, working habits a secret from my significant other at first.
I think it's kind of cute and endearing. But let's be real: I think it's important to see your spouse hurt, crying, sick, or damn near dying in order for that shit to be real.
I feel really fucked up about my separation. I don't regret it. Not one bit. But I feel fucked up about it because I just want it to be over.
In North Carolina, you have to wait one (1) whole year before you can file for divorce. It's only been 7 months, but I wish the year were over. I can feel free once again. I always did whatever I wanted to do while I was married, but I don't want to be accountable to anyone except myself.
And my dog.
I'm off to Wilmington, NC tomorrow to cover an event there. It's 4 hours away and I'm going by myself. I was hoping to drive up to Greenville to see some old friends, but everyone seem to be busy or has last minute plans. My best friend lives halfway there, but he's an MD and most likely spending the night at his hospital against his free will.
But I'm a big girl. I can manage by myself. Maybe I'll have some kind of adventure I can tell my (future) kids about. Or spend a lot of time conducting a series of introspection sessions with myself.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Friday, August 15, 2008
I've been going out every week, three nights a week to do something that my roommate and I call "Meet & Greet".
How to Meet & Greet
-Scan the weekly news rags for social events.
-Highlight anything that might have free or greatly reduced beer, food or insane give-a-ways.
-Put together a smokin' outfit even if you're dead tired after working all day or hungover from the night before.
-Text other eligible, single male/female friends to tell them where the Meet & Greet is to go down.
It's important to go to the same establishments week after week, but on a rotating schedule. it's also important to add new venues at least once a month so you can say, "Hey, remember when we went to XXXX's? That place sucked." Or "We go to XXXX's all of the time" even though you've only been there once.
I'm looking up places to go tonight and I get this message:
My name is Liz, and I am a casting assistant from Los Angeles, working on a new series for Magical Elves Productions. We are the same company that produces Top Chef and Project Runway.
We are currently developing a new documentary series for the Lifetime Network on the subject of arranged marriage, and we're
looking for singles aged 25- 45 who are looking to commit to a lifelong partnership, getting married with the help of their friends and/or family.
Even if this isn't for you, we'd love it if you could help us spread the word. Think you know of a group or dating service that would pass this on? Let us know! Have any ideas of places we can talk to that cater to the marriage minded crowd? Send us an email!
If you are interested in finding out more, we would love to talk to you. The goal of the show is to help the participants find love and happiness in a committed relationship, and we're committed to treating everyone with respect. This is not a dating or an elimination series, it is a show on the subject of arranged marriage. It’s not for everyone, but if this sounds intriguing to you, we'd love to talk to you!
Please feel free to call or email me at your convenience, and I'd be happy to give you more details.
I think I'd rather be fruitless and Meet & Greet.
Rules To Follow In Case Of Police Raid
found on http://lizseymour.wordpress.com
• Do not invite the police in; step outside and close the door if the police want to hold a conversation. If there are other people in the house make them aware that the police are here. If the police say they have a warrant ask to see it but do not at that point resist the search. After saying “I do not consent to this search,” stand aside and maintain your right to remain silent. Do not answer any questions.
• One of the household residents can tell you where the house video camera is. It will have a blank tape in it. In case of a police search please tape or ask someone else to tape as much as you can.
• If you are being arrested or detained do not resist, but calmly ask on what basis you are being held. Don’t volunteer any information or answer any questions except when you are asked to identify yourself. Don’t address other people in the house by name; let them decide how they want to identify themselves.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
I've been trying to hide it (or at least not talk about it) for the past six months now. I left my husband in January and haven't looked back.
I left because I needed to show him:
1) that I was serious
2) that he should have listened to me when I said we should go to counseling
3) that I am tired of dragging his ass around while I meet and greet my personal and professional goals
4) that I need to be with someone who can pay me a complement higher than, "You're a good person."
5) that I need to be with someone who doesn't (attempt to) tell me what to do.
It took me about a year to leave him. I stayed with my mom until March and then moved in officially with a friend.
In North Carolina, you have to be physically separated for a year before one can file for divorce. I believe we've been separated longer than that.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
I had a Ramona Quimby diary in 2nd grade that distracted me with fold out pages of stickers and inserts with puzzles. I don't think I wrote anything in it except my name. I have never been disciplined enough to have a journal to record my thoughts, feelings, or chronicle my daily life as I see fit.
Blogging. Now blogging is a different story. I got into blogging in 2001 as a college student. A close friend of mine had a LiveJournal and in order to be a member of the "club" you had to be invited. If you were a free (read: cheap) member you got one code and one code only to give to someone. If you were a paid subscriber, you got 12 codes, or one code a month to give away.
Luckily, I knew someone who was a paying member and I got signed up right away. It was great! I woke up: I blogged. Before class: blog. After class: blog. Major event in my life: blog. I'm going to the computer lab: blog. I was going...crazy with all the blogging!LJ no longer requires codes or invitations and the layout is different and I believe it to be less user-friendly than before, but I also have been introduced to MySpace and Facebook, too. I didn't want to join those other sites but I did so I wouldn't be left out of conversations at work like, "Girl, did you see those pics she posted on MySpace?" or "Thanks for commenting on that" and the ever-popular, "Did you read his profile? Oh. My. Gawd!"
In 2005, Glamour published an article Women Who Blog and there was a profile of a woman just like me: Black, college-educated, English degree, decided to work at Starbucks instead of pursuing a career....but she found herself staging events just so she could blog about them later. Her personal life started to suffer, she realized she was a "pathetic loser" (her words, not mine). She found herself jobless, single, and without hope. She eventually took down her blog to resist temptation to live an unfulfilled, farce of a life.
I have never done something I wouldn't normally have done or eng
aged in risky behaviors just so I can tell the world about it. I did lose a friendship because of a post on my blog. You can go to the entry here.
Basically, my friend made some rude/nasty comments about another friend and I made mention of them in a post. Overall, this girl was embarrassed that her true feelings had been published. We had been great friends since the first move-in day of college and here it was our last semester of our senior year, and she was dropping me as a friend. It hurt me for a long time but my family and other friends told me that I didn't need friends like her.
This blog is for...I don't know what this blog is for. I would make it a travel blog, but I don't travel as much as I used to. I might make it a weight loss blog, but my trials and tribulations with that are hard enough, it won't make me feel any better knowing people are reading about that.
This will probably be about my life. And I'm OK with that.